If your heart was broken then you know for the first time that breakups can be extremely painful. After a betrayal it’s difficult to trust and love again. However there are ways to work past the pain. Here is some simple tips for healing the heartbreak.
It takes time. It is absolutely vital to put the pain behind you and make every effort to move forward with your life and love. Otherwise, you are giving away your power to the very man who hurt you. It may be that the relationship you need to rescue is actually the one with yourself. Moving past a breakup is about you, and not your ex. You have to get used to being content on your own and not wrapping up your identity and worth with him.
Do not be friends
Don’t start thinking about being friends right away. You may never want to be friends with him again, ever. If you are still hurt you really are not over him and friends only serves to keep you engaged and hoping for a makeup. Don’t sit around hoping that he will morph himself back into the perfect person you met at the beginning. He was on his best behavior and how he was at the end of the relation is more likely how he really is. Little point in being friends unless you were to be completely over it already which you aren’t. You have to be your own friend first.
It takes time
Grief is a long process to go through. It is not a destination in which to wallow endlessly. In the heartbreak recovery process, just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Each little step is part of your healing from the heartache. Towards the end of the process the acceptance phase can seemingly last forever. This is when you have accepted the split and have stopped chasing after the person, but you still feel numb and lackadaisical. While the acceptance phase can be the longest and loneliest, it will past. You will get back to the life you had before this person existed in your landscape, or create a new life for yourself which starts with being content.
Don’t kid yourself
You need to re-define your real intentions. Get to the bottom of your emotions. Ask yourself if you are really trying to move past the breakup, or secretly hoping to get back with your ex? You won’t move on until you’ve accepted that the relationship is over. If you have disengaged but spend your time fantasizing that he will call or drumming your fingers till six weeks is up so that you can surreptitiously contact him you are not over it. If you are Facebook-ing him or looking him up in the social media, or following his new woman, you are not over it. If you are still in the twilight zone of anger, resentment, or sadness, you need more time.
Focus on the positive
Censor the language you use with yourself and others. When you persever on catastrophic terms such as nightmare, terrible, horrible, back-stabber, or expletives, you’re bound to spend way too much time dwelling on the negative. Focus on what you can do to keep yourself busy. If you are lethargic then you can just focus on taking care of yourself and going for some walks or doing some shopping to cheer yourself up. Forget about being bitter and focus on the positive of your health, family and every thing you do have going for you in this life.
Forget about closure
One problem is when you can’t get over being hurt until you know you’ve been heard. Give yourself permission to express your anger and sadness, but not to him. You really don’t need closure from the person that hurt you. Think about it because if you aren’t going to be with anymore either because he rejected you or betrayed you, do you really need closure from this person. The need for closure is all in your head, you don’t need closure. Whether you have some heart to heart of make him understand he has heart you really does not matter in the grand scheme of things. All that matters is getting over him already and forgetting about his needs and what he is up to.
Even if you have shown stalker behaviours, every day is a new day to practice self control until you are over it already. Use your self-control to avoid a situation where you embarrass yourself. Even if you have already put yourself in a situation where you look back and feel humiliated, you can change your pattern of behavior and disengage from contacting him. Psycho text messaging him, driving past his house, making dozens of phone calls and non-step emailing are not effective. Grasping on to straws is no way to let go of the past or come out of a lousy situation with your head high.
Refuse to be a hater
Eventually you will learn to trust again. The last thing you want your ex to do is leave you with a jaded and man-hater attitude. Don’t let this person turn you into a downer with future men. Men like younger women because they are need skeptical and jaded so always remenber that each relationship is a fresh start. When you start believing that all men are pigs and so on, it makes you a negative energy and it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Try instead to get back to the happy person that you were before your ex messed with your life. The real you. Whenever you get involved in a relationship, you know there’s a risk. So never let a bad experience keep you from living life to the fullest. You have a choice to go through life suspicious, or loving and laughing. Chose the latter!