What is a lover’s quarrel

One minute you feel like you’re lovestruck and you tease, laugh and giggle with your lover. Then, a tense issue arises and you being to yell and berate each other. An unresolved difference of opinion or viewpoint often gives rise to the quarrel. For example, if a little bantering about past infidelity comes about then it doesn’t take much to stoke up a firestorm of emotional tension between lovers.

A lover’s quarrel is when two people who love each other get into an argument. Usually this argument is over a certain subject they vehemently disagree on. While they may not come to an agreement, the lovers later make up and then all is right in their world. Until, their next lover’s quarrel.

To quarrel means to fight. In a lovers quarrel both people usually really love each other but they can’t help descend into an argument. Tempers may flare in the quarrel and the lovers say ruthless words that should never be said. Latter on when things calm down the couple is still in love with one another. They say that making up again is wonderful and lovers in a fleeting quarrel always make up. The only problem is when the underlying issue does not get resolved. The lovers make up because they love each other still.  But the problem may resurface.

Every now and again no matter how intimate a couple, an argument usually looms and creates a strong tide in the relationship. It can shake a relationship down to the very core. If the quarrel is handled and surpassed it can be healthy and create a long lasting bonding.  Below are a few topics that lovers often quarrel about. If the two lovers can never see eye to eye, a sore-point topic in the relationship can become the primary thing they quarrel over. Never being able to resolve it, such an issue arises again and again becoming on ongoing rift.

Unmet Expectations

Unmet expectations is at the root of so many lovers quarrels. You’d think it wasn’t a big deal but it can make or break a love affair.  Let’s say for example that your partner accepts money from you to complete a certain task such as a home repair or vacation reservation. Now, if the lover fails to do what you two agreed on it can be a horrific unmet expectation. Let’s say the lover accepts the money for the deposit and spends it in a different way.

Depending on how severe the variance was from what one lover expected of the other, it can create the worst of lovers quarrels. The lover whose expectation was never met will feel betrayed, bitter and resentful. If your lover fails you in an expectation you hold dear then this can become intolerable. For example, if they lied and said they made the deposit yet later you found out they didn’t or never got around to it. They may have just been lazy however you expected them to keep a promise.

Outright breaking of a promise can be an unmet expectation that results in the worst spat. Love always works the best with give and take. If one partner wants to take but is not giving back then it can set off a lovers quarrel. Usually the taking partner feels that they should be able to take from time to time without having to keep score.   Conversely the giving partner feels short changed. It matters what both people desire and need not just one. It also matters what each partner expects and will tolerate. Unmet expectations are a common cause of lover quarrels.

Fighting about money

During the honeymoon phase lovers don’t usually talk about the day to day problems of their lives. It is not an issue. But as the relationship deepens there can be power struggles and control issues that all revolve around money. The tension that money fights can cause will easily destroy a relationship. Usually one lover has more money or earning power than the other.

The lover that earns less expects financial favors and more generosity because of the imbalance. The more financially solvent partner on the other hand usually doesn’t want to give and give. They will usually expect something in return such as favors, errands or other contributions that are not financial.  The poorer lover will resent feeling like he is being put to work to make up for the fact that he earns less.  A simple example is when the working lover expects the stay at home lover to clean the house.

If the two partners don’t agree that there should be non financial contributions to make up for one lover paying more, a quarrel will ensue. When the poorer lover feels a sense of entitlement to generosity without expectation that he or she work for it, the richer lover will feel an unwanted financial burden. The richer partner will wonder why they have to pull all the weight and eventually will resent that the poorer partner fails to pick up slack in other areas.

It’s an unbelievably common quarrel. The poorer partner feels that the richer should give more because they earn more no questions asked. The richer partner expects the poorer partner to pitch in via other contributions to make up for the imbalence. The second that one partner feels they are contributing more than the other the tension will build.   Another type of fight that involves money is when one lover is more the spender and the other lover is more the saver. The frugal lover will view the spender as too extravagent.  Couples that handle financial tension well always manage to work things out and compromise.


Lovers might stay stuck in a quarrel when they stop talking to one another. Both angry, they have too much pride to give in and talk. There is a sense of I am right and you’ll need to talk to me and apologize otherwise forget it. If having to be right and win becomes too important the quarrel may not be easy to resolve. If you tell your partner they are wrong over and over they will resent this. Even if they are wrong, they don’t want to hear it. To them, they just don’t agree with your viewpoint. The minute you adopt an I am right you are wrong attitude the disagreement becomes difficult to resolve.


Jealousy is a natural human emotion and jealous feelings are at the root of many quarrels. The jealousy is usually not random but rather stemming from a lack of trust and lack of assurance by the other partner. Also if you feel insecure and as though there is too much competition this inferiority complex can magnify jealousy. If you are jealous you must act within reason because it is likely that your own jealous issues will cause quarrels more so that the source of your jealousy.

Don’t become a self fulfulling prophecy where your relationship ends over faithfulness but its really all in your head. If your lover admires another person its irrational to be jeolous. If however they are with another person intimately then they green eyed monster may be based in reality. Without being reassured that your lover needs you, jeolousy ensues. If you have a jeolous partner you may need to be giving them a little more attension than you currently are providing.


Certain things about your partner may just be unchangeable. If your partner is a flake and always has been then it is unlikely that will change. If you pay the energy bill the day it is issued and he pays it the day its about to be shut off then you’ve got an individual difference. These personality features can create large differences in how one lover operates in life verses the other. One person might drink a glass of wine every night the other person might detest every day drinking and view it as an addiction.

People with established lifestyle habits are unlikely to change. If he drank wine when you met him it may be unreasonable to expect him to stop five or ten years after you’ve been together.  he would view that as you’re trying to change something you knew about him before you got involved. You’re likely to view it as an unhealthy habit that bothers you more and more over time.  He says stop nagging and you say grow up.  Such lifestyle differences can create rifts that are unresolvable. Rather than changing your partner you have to realize their strengths and strong points and accept some of their peculiarities. Acceptance of personality traits will lead to better partnerships.

Lovers quarrels are common and though the best lovers kiss and make up they can nonetheless be frustrating and deeply hurtful. In these quarrels the lovers often berate each other severely. While they add flavor and can help to build stronger deeper relationship they can also break lovers apart. When two lovers are able to make up and put a long standing argument aside then their love is prevailing over matter. While the fight may not ever reach a resolution it is reassuring to know that the love two lovers have for one another can trump even the bitterest of differences. Lovers usually like the make up part after a fight.

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