Tips for handling when you are angry at your lover

Are you angry at that special someone?  Before casting a spell for revenge be sure to manage your anger as the best thing a Wicca goddess can do is always to let it go.   Here are a few tips for coping with anger.  First, allow yourself to feel the anger because there is no sense in brushing it under the rug.  The more you want to act on your anger the more you should probably sit with it.  If you rush to action when upset you usually regret it later.

Fight the emerging bitter rage within yourself.  If your body is on fire from chest to throat to body tenseness try to relax and breathe.  Fight that revving up of anger and rage and try to instill a sense of calm.  If you are able to regulate your anger you will be proud of your self control.  Try not to let anyone disturb or penetrate your inner mental state.  If they do, try to let it pass through you as quickly as possible.  If you need to stay away from your lover in order to calm down then keep your distance. After a few days os stewing you should be able to calm yourself.

Decide what you want to do about the situation.  Give it quite a bit of thought.   Don’t decide on actions that are based in getting revenge or vengeance.  Instead, decide on actions that will be the best for you.  When you review the situation take into account your own mood.  You may have gone ballistic on your lover because there were other things that were stressing you out at the time.  Think through what happened and make sure you didn’t misinterpret anything or jump to a conclusion too quickly.

While you may want to yell at them, or send a million text messages, emails or voice mails to the person who make you upset, you may want to first write into a journal.  The odds are there will be too many sub-thoughts swirling around in your head. Try to give it time before you can distill it down to exactly what is bothering you then you may as well write to yourself in order to sort it all out.  By the end of that you’ll have a grasp on whether you felt insecure, frustrated or confused.  Maybe you felt that your loved one didn’t respect you.

When you go to respond to your lover or the individual that upset you, make sure to have verbal control.  Even if you’ve already blown your cool and yelled at them you can always retreat, regroup and wait a bit then talk to them again.  Once you have your faculties you can use positive language such as telling then how you feel instead of hurling accusations.  One of the most important things is to try to avoid a total barrage.  If you can stick to the issue at hand the fight will stay more contained.  If it becomes a bitter dumping your relationship could end over it.

Always stay open to the other persons perspective.  They may have done something wrong however they may not have realized it was going to be the straw that broke the camels back either.  A simple act of thoughtless laziness on their part could be misinterpreted as utter neglect, disrespect, or worse by you. There doesn’t have to be a right or wrong.  It can just be two peoples perspective.  If you try to force the other person to admit guilt and apologize you’ll just wind up in a bitter power struggle.  Try instead to let them know what you need without getting more emotional.

Once you get through this you will definitely learn from it.  If your lover broke your trust for example, then trust will be something of great value to you going forward.  Even if your relationship ends you will learn what matters be it loyalty, honesty, humility or directness.  Then you can decide who you want to associate with in the future and weed people out of your life that have great potential to hurt you.

Once you handle getting angry and working through it you might be able to be more skilled when future misunderstandings happen.  You might realize what worked and what didn’t about how you handled things.  Hopefully this will help you have more peaceful relationships in the future.  Once you cool down don’t forget that it is always possible to forgive.  Especially if this person is part of your family or a loved one you can forgive, forget and tell them you still love them.  Don’t be too proud to apologize because if your loved one needs to forgive you as well then lack of a reciprocal apology can create a barrier for them.

There is a Chinese proverb that says that if you are patient in one moment of anger then you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.  This is so true it is uncanny.  Remember that patience is as powerful as any witchcraft spell.

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